How are those conversations going?
I must admit that even I haven’t had one a day since we gave out the call to action to have a respectful conversation every day with someone who thinks differently than I do about LGBT rights (which MAY have something to do with the fact that I’m always on email, the phone or in a meeting for JTI since all of this started).
Here’s what I HAVE done:
1) I came out to both of my grandmothers.
They’ve both always “known” and been accepting of my sexuality, but we’ve never talked about it. I thought that was ok, but I realized that until I’ve had a respectful conversation with those closest to me that THEY would not be able to stand up for me. I’m lucky in that I come from a family that is very supportive and that is most concerned with my happiness, and has always expressed this. When I switched majors they supported me, when I said I was moving to France, they supported me and when I brought my girlfriend to a family reunion they supported me and welcomed her with open arms (even if Grandma and I never referred to her as more than my friend). However even with all of this support both of my grandmothers are the type of people that won’t say anything to someone about having a gay granddaughter until they hear those words from me. Fortunately they are also both the type of people that now that we’ve had that conversation will address comments they hear against gays with something like “I love my Granddaughter and if she can find love with another woman, I would be happy with that”.
2) I emailed everyone I know about Project Postcard.
Unlike past emails that have to do with LGBTQI issues I did not ONLY include those that I know are part of the LGBTQI community. I did NOT exclude those that might be homophobic. I did NOT exclude all the members of my family. After I entered all the addresses. I clicked SEND without hesitation.
3) I volunteered to pass out turkeys at the Cleveland AIDS Task Force.
4) Of course, I’ve been talking about JoinTheImpact constantly with everyone I know.
I’m sharing this with you because I’d like to provide a space for us to check in with each other. To share our ideas, our triumphs and get support when we don’t know how to move forward. It is natural when we see a problem to ask ourselves “What should I do?” or “What can I do?”. The time has come to move beyond these questions. Instead we must ask constantly “What WILL I do?”. Here is my list, for now.
1) I WILL have a respectful discussion with my family this Thanksgiving about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, marriage equality, inclusion of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity in ENDA laws, gay adoption, and other topics that affect the LGBTQI community. And I will make sure to ask them how they address homophobia when it comes their way and encourage them not to ignore it.
2) I WILL mail my 3rd postcard to Barack Obama in the morning, and one more every day until Thanksgiving. And this time I will remember to take a picture and post it on the wiki.
3) I WILL get everyone I know to go see MILK on Dec. 5 and I will take a huge group of people with me to ensure that opens in the top 3 spots for that box office weekend.
4) I WILL continue to work on my goal of having at least one respectful conversation with someone who is non like-minded every day.
5) I WILL volunteer my time on Thanksgiving to spread the love.
These are just a few things I’m doing in my day to day life, outside my JoinTheImpact organizing.
How have things been going for all of you?
- Willow
18 Responses
If you are in the TRI State area of NY/NJ/CT, then please tune in to WBAI 99.5 FM radio tomorrow (Mon 11/24) at 11AM. I will be interviewed about the “Free To Love” single. Please show your support for this Anti Prop 8 song and tune in. Thanks so much! God Bless! http://www.myspace.com/Lovari PS I mentioned Join The Impact on the interview!
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Regarding the MILK premiere: in order for me to participate — and thousands of hearing impaired GLBT folk like me — the movie will have to be captioned. Otherwise we once again will have to wait for DVD. Do you know if the producers are making captioned copies available for premiere weekend? It’s possible for them to do, Quantum of Solace is showing with captions in some theaters. I am curious to see if this movement for inclusiveness is big enough to include the hearing impaired.
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I too have had a hard time with my conversations. I have been having one per day for a few wekes now, and some of them get people to at least know I am serious about this fight.
Great news – my silently supportive sister is now verbally supportive. Last week she sent out an email to her friends and our family in support for GLBTQ equality. The frustrating news – she thinks I shouldn’t say anything at Thanksgiving dinner. She thinks it will only cause a fight. The rest of my family voted yes on Florida’s Amendment 2. I have sent numerous emails and texts and some phone conversations. They are not happy. I’ve tried sharing factual information to support equality, but they keep coming back to ‘the Bible says it is an abomination’ language.
I feel my options for Thanksgiving are:
1. Go to the family gathering wearing my “I’m a Taxpaying Second Class Citizen – jointheimpact.com” button I created this week (and wear everywhere – and get lots of questions on)
2. Wear the button and an HRC sticker on my mouth.
3. Go and not wear anything and pretend like we are not having this intense email/text feud.
4. Go to a friend’s for the holiday or stay home.
I’m not sure which will both provide the right message and be the best for me personally.
We’ll see come Thursday what I do.
No matter what happens – Alan will NOT ruin Thanksgiving for himself this year. If others feel it is ruined I will say – until I am an equal, I have no choice but to be vocal – respectfully so – but nonetheless vocal about being oppressed.
Happy Thanksgiving to my JTI family. Every pain is worth the ultimate prize.
Alan Bounville
Orlando, FL
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I am a teacher and have lived a don’t ask, don’t tell life at school UNTIL PROP 8 PASSED. I have had open conversations with 4 people at school that I have a close working relationship with. All four conversations were good. The most difficult conversation was with a teacher who is a born again Christian. He believes I will go to Hell. I told him I believe he is wrong. He knows me well as a fellow teacher. He knows I am a good person. It has made our relationship stronger in a weird way. I think it has made him “think”. I feel good and I will continue to have these difficult conversations. People need to know who we are.
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I just have a quick suggestion for Alan and whoever gets the “the bible says…”answer. Go to this website. http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Wear the t-shirt. They can think about it. They can start a conversation or you can start one at a later date. You will make your point.
Posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I have been having these conversations for years. It feels like your beating a dead horse in the face (just a phrase I love animals) and just wasting your energy, its emotionally draining to feel unheard and unacknowledged.. The life my partner and I have shared for 12 years has not been an easy one, as you get older and have a home (especially in a suburban area) the harder it can be..I think showing ourselves in the street will bring about the most change eventually, showing how many of us there really are and that we will not tolerate the injustice of not having marriage equality but also putting an end to allowing harassment go on day in and day out and cops just turning their heads like your the crazy one by updating the legal hate crimes definitions..I’m sorry theres alot more then 3 percent of the population that are gay..I’m not being negative and hope all of you just coming out or sharing your stories are doing it for you. not just for a cause because it can be very taxing on a persons emotions, just make sure your ready emotionally..Best wishes
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Claudia – thank you! I sent the file with a personal email to my friends and family. I really appreciate it. Every step, even if it seems to take me in the wrong direction, is a step forward in the fight overall! – Thanks again! Alan
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
“Sometimes a conversation can change the world!”
Home for the holidays? Looking for a way to discuss homophobia with your family and friends? Don’t go home without your Conversation Kit!!!
For the first time, Woman Vision and EyeBite Productions are making the contents of their award winning DVD Unlearning Homophobia available, free of charge, online. We take this step because polling data have shown that relatively few of us in the LGBT communities have had conversations with our circle of straight family, friends, employers, and co-workers about the anti-gay initiatives that have permeated our ballots in recent years. Some of us are not out. Others don’t feel comfortable discussing controversial issues such as gay marriage in our straight networks. Most of us need help to start the conversation. This is why we created the Conversation Kit.
These discussions have never been more urgent. This November, anti gay amendments or initiatives passed in California, Florida, Arkansas, and Arizona. Many in the straight community don’t understand that these measures are NOT just about lgbt marriage. They affect hundreds of rights, such as hospital visitation, adoption, and medical leave. In all, these amendments strip the courts, cities, towns, and other government entities of any ability to protect lgbt and straight, unmarried families.
Fortunately, we in the LGBT communities have a vast untapped resource—ourselves! Our videos Straight from the Heart, All God’s Children, and De Colores have begun thousands of discussions that have ended with LGBTs helping straight folks understand the very personal impact of these discriminatory measures .The documentaries directly and specifically address issues of religion and homosexuality. The videos specifically target 3 distinct church-going communities: White, African American, and Latino. Take these videos home, start a conversation, change the world!!
We welcome gay and lesbian websites to link or embed these films into their site for easy viewing. DVDs and downloadable discussion guides are available at WomanVision.org and EyeBite.com.
Link to Straight from the Heart: http://vimeo.com/2303335
Link to All God’s Children: http://vimeo.com/2304279
Link to De Colores: http://vimeo.com/2303777
Link to “Behind the Scenes” http://vimeo.com/2302993
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I will do everything I can to communicate to those who support marriage equality the need to boycott those who fund discrimination. I should not give money to those who will take that money and use it to take away my rights. Mormon Stock Index http://www.mormonstockindex.com/ is a great source of information regarding the sources that fund our oppression. Dumping Mormon stock, while boycotting Mormon corporations will limit the funds available used to wage war on our basic civil rights. The religious right has used boycotts to effectively wage war on the LGBT community. They initiated the use of boycotts, and we have no choice but to use this powerful economic force to protect our homes, families, and futures.
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’ve been busily adding button template PDFs on the Protest Materials page. I’ve started to focus on more positive messages. Visibility is the key, and it’s one of the reasons I pressed tons of buttons during the Obama campaign, so that people could wear little lapel buttons and big buttons on their bags, etc. as they went about their daily lives. Buttons and T-shirts are good conversation-starters with your co-workers and non-LGBT friends.
I’ll continue to upload new designs. Keep the visibility up! It’s not right to just let this fade away.
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
does anyone know where i can get the list of business that donated to the yes on 8 people. i would hate to go to a place that gave money to them. thanks
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Hello All! An Marriage Equality rally is being held Dec. 12th in Claremont, CA at Memorial park from 3 until 10pm ( check for updates). Why not let this event also serve as place to donate food for the “RAINBOW Gay and Straight Neighborhood Food Drive”?? ( Not sure what to should call it. … just a suggestion ). The canned foods could be gathered and delivered on
Dec. 20th to the BETA Center in Pomona. Please e-mail me if anyone reading this has suggestion regarding combining this project. I will also contact Thuan, ( one of the local Equality Rights organizers.)
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I will speak honestly and openly to anyone who will listen primarily about the malignant lies told by the Yes on 8 campaign about human (child) development and families. I am a queer preschool teacher whose daily happiness depends as much on teaching, counseling and laughing with young children as it depends on being honest and open about my sexuality and gender. While LGBT adults had our rights taken away, some of the deeper wounds the Yes on 8 campaign inflicted were on our children… especially those exploratory young spirits pushing the limits of gender expression. Many of these children will grow up to be trans, queer, gay/lesbian/bi and they were inundated by Yes on 8′s virulently dishonest media campaign. Do not for a second think a three-year-old with a television in his or her house was unaffected by such ads. Children are rarely oblivious–especially when compared to us crazy adults. Children attune to detail, and they take note of those forces in the world that threaten what securities in home life they’ve been blessed with. Without a doubt Yes on 8 waged war on the tenuous sense of security many children of LGBT parents had previously. It waged war on the identities of little boy princesses and little girl soldiers. Most threateningly it waged war on the imaginations of children–on their ability to envision a multitude of hum-drum and happy lives available for exploration in the classroom dramatic play area. There CAN be two mommies. There CAN be two daddies. You can marry your best friend whether or not he’s a he or she’s a she (or eventually decides to be either or neither). What counts is the love you feel inside, what counts is that you are playing with someone who puts a smile on your face even when the going gets rough. There’s no doubt that with ongoing adult support, children open to these lessons with ease and grace. Only in the face of fear-based religious fanaticism will they question what’s “right”–undercutting the essence of their creative minds and hearts, clouding the gift given by life and, if it helps you to use this word, God.
In all our protesting we must not forget to support our future. They need us to sit down with them and counteract the hate in a way that is calm, age-appropriate, and patient. We must be gentle but firm. We must remind them that no one can ever take a beloved LGBT caregiver away. No one can truly usurp our commitment to love. May it be so.
Posted on November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 am
My partner and I usually throw an annual Holiday Party for our family and friends. This year we are doing something a little different. Here is a sample from our invitation:
Happy Holidays everyone!
As most of you know, we are very active in the movement against Proposition 8.
So this year, we feel, we should incorporate this worthy cause into our Holiday celebration.
On December 20th, there will be a demonstration called Light Up the Night for Equal Rights…”a POWERFUL candlelight vigil in remembrance of the rights that once were for 18,000 marriages, and in honor of the rights that one day will be again – for EVERYONE. This will be a peaceful demonstration in the spirit of the holidays.”
Guests of our party will be asked to join us for this demonstration. After the vigil, we will return to our house and PARTAY!
Also, we usually play the White Elephant Gift Exchange game. Not this year. This year we are asking that you spend the $10-$15 on canned goods that we will donate to the LGBT Food Drive for the hungry.
More information about the vigil, the food drive, and the party will be sent to you later.
Change is happening, let’s be a part of it. And then CELEBRATE IT!!
Please join us.
Thats what we’re doin’!!
Posted on November 25th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
While the idea of a national strategy sounds good- what may be a good idea for one state may not be a good idea in another state. It’s east to be against something but working for something is harder. i hope people get that.
Posted on November 25th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
@Garrett in SF – You use the term “LGBT”, but I looked at the descriptions of the videos on your site and it doesn’t look like any of them include any discussion of trans issues at all. Please say “LGB”, “lesbian and gay”, or “homosexual” if you’re talking about resources that only discuss homosexuality (and not trans issues) – it keeps the confusion down.
Posted on November 25th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Well put Patrick. They are the future. They are the ones that hold the promise of a future where tolerence and acceptance and love for all people….JUST IS.
Posted on November 26th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
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